‘Fabulous’
trip to the Big Apple
This
column appeared in the Bangor Daily News on March 4, 1983. Ted wrote it to one of his well known
imaginary friends, Aunt Fanny. Notice the 80s prices he quotes.
Rockland Maine
March 4, 1983
Aunt Fanny Vance
Blotville Mountain
Blotville, Maine
Dear Aunt Fanny:
Just had to write you a
note and tell you about our trip to the Big Apple, New York City. You should
have been there. My God, it’s like a giant ant hill with the people and
taxicabs forever on the move.
It’s difficult to try
and describe the most famous city in the world. You could say it is exciting,
interesting, impressive, fun and unforgettable. But you also might say it’s cold,
intimidating, impersonal, and frightful.
But we had no problems
despite all the warnings and advice from our so-called friends. It even was
relatively easy to drive in and out of Manhattan.
Spending a weekend in
Times Square is an experience everyone should have. The sights are
unbelievable. There is mixture of theaters and movie houses, along with live
sex shows, sprinkled with more restaurants, delicatessens, barrooms and stores
than you can shake a stick at.
Our hotel was right on
Broadway. We had one of those weekend deals where four of us stayed in the same
room for $59 a night. This is about one-half the regular rate.
The mixture of people
walking along the streets was as varied as you could imagine. We saw derelicts
walking or sitting on the sidewalks, while elegant ladies in furs were dropped
off at the curb in expensive limousines. One of the less fortunate made it
plain he didn’t think much of tourists. As we sat in a tourist bus station, he
walked by and made obscene gestures. Another tried to push one of our group off
the sidewalk during a walking tour of Chinatown.
THE CLOSEST WE CAME to
being mugged was while walking along Broadway and being struck from behind. It
gave us a start. But turning around there was the grinning face of David
Himmelstein. You remember him, Aunt Fanny, he was that nice young fellow who
came to town a few years back to work for that other newspaper. His biggest
claim to fame here was that he married Meredith Dondis’ lovely daughter, Jo. He
now is well on the road to success. Believe it or not, he was in New York to
see his agent. He wrote a prize-winning screen play which won a national
contest. It appears there is interest in making a movie from his script.
Guess the influence of
Rockland must have done him some good, wouldn’t you say?
One can’t spend any time
on Broadway without giving thought to attending a Broadway play. We were no
exception. The price scared us, though. Orchestra seat tickets start at $40
each. We checked one theater which advertised $20 tickets. They were for the
back two rows of the theater. But acting on a tip from David, we stood in line
at the discount Times Square ticket concession where any leftover theater
tickets go on sale each day at 3 p.m. We were surprised it took just 40 minutes
to get to the head of the line where we picked up tickets for “Woman of the
Year” four rows from the front at $20 bucks each. Anyone who goes to New York
should keep this in mind.
After the show we went
to a Hawaiian-style restaurant for dinner and a floor show. Complete meal for
$9.75, plus a $2.50 cover charge. The show was enjoyable. How can anyone not
like pretty girls doing Hawaiian dances? The food? It was passable but not
anywhere near as good as the food at the Mai Kai Restaurant in good ‘ole
Rockland.
Never did go to one of
those girlie shows, live or film. Our chaperone, better known as wifemate, put
the kibosh on that.
THE NEXT NIGHT WE WENT
to the world-famous Mamma Leone’s Italian Restaurant. The atmosphere was
something else. There was a lady circulating among diners singing operatic
arias, and waiters were elegant in fancy traditional costume. But we thought
$15.95 for spaghetti and meatballs was a little steep, even if it did include a
bowl of soup and dish of ice cream. So we had steak for $19.95. The meal was
really delicious, but we could have gotten a meal every bit as good at the
Spinnaker in Rockport for half what it cost us.
Breakfast fare was no
better. Two eggs and toast (no ham or bacon) is $4.95. You sure can get a
better meal for less money at the Coffee Shop right here on Main Street.
Since we don’t know if
and when we might ever get back to the Big Apple we signed up for one of those
five-hour bus tours at $13.50 per. This was well worth it. We saw a lot and
learned a lot from a tour guide who was European, articulate and obviously
well-educated. He spoke five languages, including Chinese. Impressive. But we
couldn’t quite understand what a person of such caliber was doing working as a
tour guide. Seems as if he should have been at the United Nations or something.
We learned there are
22,000 cabs in the city. They charge you $1 for the first one-ninth mile, and
10 cents for each one-ninth mile after that. We had a hell of a time with that
when we discovered we left our trusty calculator at home.
OUR GUIDE MUST HAVE
ATTENDED the Scottie Stowell School of Public Relations. He downplayed the
danger of New York City, especially the bad press given to Harlem. He paid
particular attention to the nicer places in Harlem, and there were many. He
told us that New York City is listed as 17th among major U.S. cities
in terms of having the highest crime rates. Why, he pointed out, that in Harlem
people are banding together to rebuild the slum, which was true; and that 90
percent of all inhabitants of Harlem attend church every Sunday.
Impressive, to be sure.
Wonder, though, why they had those big iron gates protecting the front doors of
the church we passed.
Then there was
Chinatown. We liked it very much. The guide said Chinatown had the least crime
for any area of New York, although having far more people per square mile.
There is practically no juvenile delinquency in Chinatown. Employment also is
very high. Chinese children attend both American and Chinese schools. They attend
both during the week, and go to Chinese schools Saturday and Sunday, and
full-time during American school vacations. They receive two weeks’ vacation a
year. No wonder there is no juvenile delinquency.
Smart people, those
Chinese.
Housing is a
never-ending problem. Construction of housing units is forever on-going. We
drove past a new condominium. Get this, Aunt Fanny. The top floor penthouse was
priced at $1.2 million. You could get one of the lower-class units for $300,000
to $500,000. Greenwich Village apartments average about $2,500 per month for a
one-bedroom unit. The guide told us that the average price of all apartments in
NYC, from the cheapest to the most expensive, was $380 per month.
THE WOMEN WENT SHOPPING
at Saks on Fifth Avenue. Thank goodness they didn’t buy anything. Prices were
even too high for them. Couple of quick examples we saw during a brief visit
were ladies scarves for $21, a belt for $48, a blouse (on sale) for $68, a
jacket for $290, and a fancy hankie was $16. Cheapest thing we saw was a man’s
necktie on sale for $10.
But, get this, directly
in front of the store; a hawker had set up business on the sidewalk. He was
selling genuine cashmere sweaters for $10 each. We looked, but resisted.
We could go on and on,
Aunt Fanny, the sights are something else. Guess there are a couple of things
we will never forget. It was those two ladies we saw walking their dogs, one
who placed a plastic bag over her hand and scooped up the dog droppings and put
it in her pocket; and the derelict who was rummaging through the garbage cans
at Broadway and 51st Street, drinking from cans and bottles which
had been discarded.
But all and all, it was
fun. If there was one word to describe the Big Apple, it would have to be
“fabulous.”
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