Beyond the South End

Making some money in the oil business

(Probably from 1988)

Another triumph for the Friendly Do-It-Yourselfer. No, make that two triumphs.

The first was receipt of a check from the U.S. Government as a refund for being overcharged on oil during the years of 1976-78. Yep, only 10 years, but the refund came.

You might remember that about 16 months ago the Department of Energy in Washington announced it had reached a settlement with Gulf Oil Co. and had $42 million to give back to users of the product. All one had to do was document the volume of oil purchased and amount paid. It was easy for DIY. Only took him three hours to dig through the old check stubs to come up with more than 1,000 gallons purchased.

The application was filed. The wait was on. In March DIY received a certified letter from DOE. It was very official, and he had to go to the post office to sign for it. What it contained was a 12-page document detailing the decision and confirmation of payments to 85 applicants.

The order stated that each applicant would get a refund of $0.00122 a gallon, plus $0.00022 interest. The total refund for the 85 applicants was $13,254. That sure was a long way from $42 million. DIY then reread the government order. It seemed that the OHA (for those of you who don’t speak government lingo, that means the Office of Hearings and Appeals) had proceeded first to make payments to direct purchases of Gulf products. Didn’t say who they were.

Anyway, here was the list with 85 applicants listed. DIY received the whole sum of $2. His only solace was that 68 other applicants also received less than $10. A telephone company in Washington, D.C. got $5,381; the state of Iowa got $3,564; and a trucking company from Chillicothe, Mo., was paid $2,799.

DIY was thinking of keeping the government check as a souvenir, as well as a reminder never to get involved with government red tape again. But out of the goodness of his heart he cashed the $2 check. After all, he did not want to be the cause of fouling up the DOE’s checkbook.

So in the end, DIY spent three hours to document his oil purchases; spent 40 cents in postage to send for and file the application; and then had to drive five miles to and from the post office to pick up his certified mail. At the government rate of 20 cents a mile, that was another $1.

Net benefit to DIY was 60 cents. He’ll just never learn.

Second Triumph

The second triumph was more productive, albeit a might scary. After weeks of procrastination and with some good weather turning up, DIY decided he just had to trim the top of his giant willow tree that had suffered the ravages of that severe ice storm last winter, at which time several limbs at the top were snapped of and left hanging. Now this willow stands 35 to 40 feet high. The broken limbs were at the top and had to be sawed off. If that is not a challenge to any bona fide DIY, nothing is.

DIY first borrowed a 24-foot extension  ladder and extended it out as far as possible into the top of the tree. By standing on the very top rung, DIY could just barely reach the broken limbs. The only hand saw he had was an old, and dull, keyhole saw. He might as well have used a butter knife. The saw was that effective.

But never fear, DIY may be temporarily down, but he is never out. He went back to his borrowing source and procured an electric chain saw. If there was ever an accident looking for a place to happen, this was it. Here was DIY standing on the top rung of an extension ladder holding a chain saw high above his head with an electric cord winding around his leg.

The results were amazing. Even DIY was somewhat awed by the whole thing. There were only two tiny miscues. One was that a branch fell down over DIY’s head. No damage. Just a little scrape. The second limb fell safely to the ground only after bouncing off the telephone wire into the house. But the wire didn’t break. DIY could not believe that he was able to accomplish this death-defying feat with only one little scratch.

He was so happy that when he got to the ground, he felt impelled to trim up some of the shrubbery. He hacked away at his wife’s favorite wild rose bush. Darn thing always did stick out too far to mow around. Then he started cutting away the bottom limbs of that willow. Can’t mow around that thing either.

After he finished and picked up all the debris, he was sure proud of his accomplishments. Then wifemate came home and spied the skinny willow and much slimmer rose bush.

I wonder if there is a government program out there somewhere that will replace storm-damaged shrubbery after a DIY’er gets through with them? If you know of any, DIY is looking for an application.