Beyond the South End

 

Do-it-yourselfer lends expertise

This column appeared in the Bangor Daily News on December 4 or 5, 1982

In answer to several inquiries, we are happy to report our friendly do-it-yourselfer is still alive and kicking. He was rather inactive for several months, opting for a few simple repair jobs around the house. He did tangle with the kitchen sink drain again and managed to shower himself with murky drain goo when back-flushing the clogged pipe. Got the mess all over the kitchen and cabinets. Learning from experience, he tackled the job while his wifemate was away and had ample opportunity to clean up the mess before she got home.

Last summer he became involved with the largest project ever, helping out on the construction of a whole house. The big difference this time was that he did not have to be responsible for the planning and execution of those plans. He was more or less a bystander helping out here and there.

You have to understand the picture. Here, for the first time in his vast experience as a do-it-yourselfer, he was working with others who actually knew what they were doing. He was constantly amazed at the exactness and correctness of calculations and construction. Why, they even cut wall-partition studs the correct length the first time. Do-it-yourselfer always thought it was perfectly acceptable to cut the studs too long the first cut, too short the second cut, then insert a shim to make it fit.

Even more amazing was to have the exact quantity of materials on hand to complete a segment of the construction. It seems reasonable to believe that if one correctly measures an area for materials and orders what it needs, it would come out all right. Never in his experience has do-it-yourselfer ever enjoyed this luxury.

Even more amazing than this was that framing of windows and doors was made well in advance of installation. When it came time to insert the windows, every one fit perfectly into the frame. Our friend could not understand why at least one of the openings was not too small or too large. That’s the way he always did it.

What really took the cake was to see a hole cut into the roof for the chimney and have it located exactly where it was supposed to be. It’s enough to make a grown do-it-yourselfer close his tape measure forever.

There were other new experiences for our friend. Imagine, if you will, here he is perched atop a pretty steep roof shingling between two young bucks half his age and part monkey. The two young men jumped around on the bouncing staging boards as if they were walking down Main Street on a cement sidewalk. Well, after a day of shingling, do-it-yourselfer couldn’t open his hand for three days as it was clamped closed where he had clung to the roof and staging.

Standing atop three sections of portable staging installing collar beams and insulation is an experience not to be forgotten.

With progression of construction to a point-of-interior work, it was time for installation of kitchen cabinets. Do-it-yourselfer was beside himself. With the cabinets situated in place, he drilled a hole to fasten it to the wall, and would you believe it, there were actually solid stringers behind the sheetrock to screw into. Why, any respectable do-it-yourselfer would have to remove at least one piece of sheetrock to install the necessary backing.

Finally, do-it-yourselfer found even the experts can become frustrated and upset when something doesn’t go right. After the cabinets were installed, the stove and refrigerator were installed. The door of the refrigerator opened from the wrong side. This was not a problem as the doors are reversible. The task was begun to reverse them. Everything went smoothly until it came time to install the bottom hinge, which for some reason would not fit to accept the door.

The installer even had to resort to an old trick of the do-it-yourselfer; he read the directions. But no amount of finagling could make the hinge fit. Giving up in disgust, the installer declared the manufacturer must have made an error and installed the wrong part. Ha, thought the do-it-yourselfer, there’s another ploy he has utilized in the past, blame it on the manufacturer. Wow, these people really are human after all.

The sequel to this, however, is that an inquiry from the dealer about the reversible refrigerator door brought a service representative to the house to make the necessary changes. Know what the serviceman discovered? The manufacturer had installed the wrong hinge which would require his sending for a new part.

Well, at least the do-it-yourselfer can still clean out a clogged sink drain even if he usually sprays himself with water in the process.