Beyond the South End

 

By TED SYLVESTER

(This Fish and Chips column appeared in the Bangor Daily News in September of 1983

 

Do-it-yourselfer adopts a new motto

 

The friendly do-it-yourselfer (DIY) has been at it again. This time outdoing past performances of handiness around the house.

What started out as a simple $20 repair job on an outside deck, to replace a couple of rotting planks, ended up being a complete reconstruction job costing $275. Nobody but the friendly DIY could get into such a mess.

It happened this way. The deck is about five years old and for the past two or three years one or two deck plankings have been cracking and rotting. During the past winter, the same thing happened, only this time two of them broke through.

Waiting as long as possible, DIY reviewed the situation for a good three months before making a final decision. To avoid this deck repair job every year, why not cover the deck with plywood and install one of the fancy-dancy artificial turf carpets like they put on the ball fields.

Checking round, DIY found a bargain on carpet from Billy Scofield. Cost about $75 for what was needed. Not bad!

Then a relative got a bargain on enough plywood for the job. Cost $99. DIY thought it was getting a little out of hand by this time. But the carpet already had been bought and the plywood would make a permanent deck and put an end to these nagging repair jobs.

The almost-final plan called for placing the plywood over the decking and put down the carpet. Seemed simple enough. Then DIY made the mistake of thinking about it and decided that the two broken deck planks probably should be replaced to provide the necessary solid support for the plywood.

Well, after starting to remove the rotting pieces, it was soon discovered that several other planks were cracked and on the verge of breaking. One thing led to another, and before DIY knew it, the whole deck had been torn off.

But the situation was still well in hand. DIY thought that if some cross braces were installed from the two-by-sixes that were stored in the top of the garage, it would provide a solid base for the plywood.

When this task got under way, DIY soon discovered that the under stringers had also suffered from the rigors of the weather and they were also showing signs of rot. No sense in applying a new surface to rotting stringers—Right?

The next step was a trip to D.R. Call’s. Peter and the boys there are more than helpful in giving advice. Pete told the DIY that anyone should know better than to build a deck with untreated lumber, and should have used ash or 2-by-6s for the decking in the first place.

Anyway, DIY bought 20 new stringers—about $70 worth. Also, picked up a couple of gallons of wood preservative (on sale for $6.95 each.)

By this time DIY had invested two days of a busy schedule into the job. Then, everything that didn’t move was painted with wood preservative, and new stringers and support pieces were installed.

Two days later the deck was ready for the decking. DIY was frankly amazed that the whole deck was square and the 4-by-8 sheets went down slick as could be.

Now it was time to lay down the carpet. Heeding the advice of an expert installer, the decision was made against cementing it down. For one thing, cement for outside installation would cost more than the carpet did. Tacks around the perimeter would work just fine. And metal edging on the outside edge was only about $20.

After several hours of jigging and jogging, pulling and tugging, the carpet was tacked down nice as you please, smooth as the artificial turf in the Astrodome. And the whole job only took six days But it was worth it.

The next day, DIY pulled out the lawn chair “and a cool one” to sit outside, enjoying the newly renovated deck. It was joy to the fullest. The sun was shining brightly and there was just enough sea breeze to make it comfortable. Heaven!

Then a funny thing happened. The carpet started wrinkling during the heat of the day DIY sat there with thoughts of “What do I do now?” An attempt was made to pull up a couple of tacks thinking the carpet would stretch. No dice! They were in there to stay unless you ripped the carpet.

Well, DIY did what any self-respecting, self-acclaimed expert would do: folded up his lawn chair; took “the cool one” into the house and turned on the ballgame.

And it worked. By evening, the rug had smoothed itself out. Pleased as punch, DIY could hardly wait for the family to get home so the newly converted deck could be displayed, and accept the kudos humbly, for a job well done.

Next day, as luck would have it, the sun shone brightly again. It was one of those hot, steaming days. Guess what, the carpet wrinkled again. DIY decided to escape to the city for awhile and hide. After returning home later in the day, the sun had started to fade in the west, and the carpet was smooth once again.

And so it has been ever since the installation of the carpet—wrinkled when the sun shines, smooth when it doesn’t.

And DIY has adopted a new motto: “To hell with it.”