Beyond the South End

 

By Ted Sylvester

 

 

One of Ted’s recurring themes for Fish and Chips—Do-It-Yourself projects.

 

 

There is nothing quite so humbling as the belief that a task can be accomplished easily, and then be caught up short by our own stupidity. The Friendly Do-It-Yourselfer found that out, much to his dismay and an affont upon his ego.

The job was simple. After all, DIY had completed similar tasks before. No problem. The task at hand was to close in a closet space in the spare room and install double louver doors. A simple, easy project. Two hours tops he told his wifemate, who by this time always is skeptical of such confidence.

So it was off to the neighborhood lumber companies to fetch the proper materials.

All that was needed was construction of a small wall to close in the door opening to the required 80-by-48-inch openings. DIY drew out the proper measurements on the floor. He even made allowances for the finish boards that would be nailed outside of the 2-by-4s. I told you DIY knew what he was doing. The wall went up easy. Plumb, square and all. The finish boards likewise were fitted and placed. Perfect. Before DIY installed the trim boards on the front, he decided to open up the louver door hardware to see how much leeway he had when installing the slide bar at the top. Guess what? The opening was three-quarters of an inch too narrow. Scratching his head, DIY grabbed for the level. He found that the existing wall was not quite plumb. The opening at the bottom was all right. But at the top…forget it.

So DIY ripped out his new wall. He started over with the measurements taken at the top this time. After some grumbling, and the ruining of some finish boards, he re-erected the wall. All the while he kept measuring the opening. Yep. It was 48 inches. Right on target.

After fetching some new finish boards and installing them, he finally could get to the trim and begin sanding and staining. But to make sure he set the slide rail in place again. Guess what? The opening was still three-quarters of an inch too narrow. What happened? DIY was beside himself. Had his trusty Stanley tape let him down? He finally figured it out. When he re-measured the opening for the second wall, he neglected to make the ¾-inch allowance for the finish board. Talk about frustration. This project was beginning to turn into a personal thing between DIY and the wall.

So for the third time he set out to correct the error. This time he decided to pull out the existing wall and make it plumb as he should have in the first place. After pulling out nails and screws that were meant to be permanent, he finally got the thing done. Finish boards in place. This time the rails fit the 48-inch opening. Great. So it was on to staining and the trim…

When it came time to install the 21/2-inch trim over the top of the doorway, it was a little too wide. To correct this DIY simply installed a double finish board. Perfect.

With the staining finished, it was time to install the doors. The hardware was put in place and the doors placed. But wait a minute. The doorway now was not high enough. That double finish board at the top had cut down the necessary 80 inches to 791/4 inches.

But DIY was too smart this time. Since the carpet had about an eighth of an inch thickness, he thought that if he cut it off at the pass he could squeeze out enough room to install the doors. No way. It was impossible to gain enough clearance.

It was back to ripping out the added finish board and sanding off the one under it. Restain the thing. Reset the slide rail. Finally the thing fit. But this time the clearance gained by cutting off the carpet, came within a hair of making the opening too large. By letting out the clearance screws all the way, it worked. Whew.

So this simple two-hour job, plus staining time, turned into a project that lasted—get this—four days.

Wifemate now is talking about a new doorway installed on the back of the house to the outside. DIY’s role in this little dandy will be easy. He will only have to locate one thing. The telephone number of Wayne Tibbetts.