Fish and Chips--Guest Blog, Ted Sylvester

By Ted Sylvester

This column appeared in 1987.

When the do-it-yourselfer outdoes himself

Would you believe that a simple task of planting a little shrubbery around the house and removing sod around the lilac bushes could result in repeated trips to the doctor, X-rays, and $24-a-bottle medication?

The Friendly Do-It-Yourselfer really outdid himself this time.

Usually the task at hand for DIY results in frustration, deflated ego and embarrassment. Once it even meant some medical attention when he cut open his hand with a saw. For a DIY, this was understandable. But injuring one’s foot to the extent that he was out of work for a week and had to curb all activities…now that’s ridiculous. Expensive also.

Having a week off in May is the best time of the year to get the yard cleaned and outside spring cleaning accomplished. So it was with the DIY. The job list was ambitious: Clean the garage, take down the gutters and paint the trim, and schedule a lawn (junk) sale to make room for accumulating another 15 years’ worth of artifacts (junk).

But first things first. Wifemate had been harping about that empty spot in the front yard that needed a tree or shrub. This was after the planting of two spruce trees and a forsythia bush had failed. One would think that if DIY could plant some lilac bushes a few years back, when he used cement for fertilizer, with success, that a simple planting of a bush would be a piece of cake. He should have seen the omen.

One of the lilac bushes had failed to bloom for the second consecutive year. Maybe the cement has finally hardened. Wifemate suggested that if the sod were dug out from around the bush, it might have a better chance of survival. DIY could plant another bush in the front yard at the same time.

A trip to the friendly neighborhood plant store found all the necessary ingredients for a professional job. A flowering crab was selected for the planting, cow manure for fertilizer (can’t mistake cement for that), and several bags of wood chips for decoration and to keep the grass away. About $75 did the trick.

When digging started, DIY discovered that grass growing against the garage was threatening to rot the sills. This also had to be removed. At the end of the spading, DIY’s foot was sore. The next day, he could hardly step on it. The next day, it was a visit to Pen Bay’s emergency ward. The medical personnel were very nice. The doctor said there was some inflammation around the toe joint but nothing broken. Take some pills to deflate the inflammation and the foot should be better in a couple of days. Somehow DIY was dubious. After all, the doctor was wearing his hospital shirt wrong side out. It had to be an omen.

Over the weekend, the foot swelled, and swelled. The pain increased. Monday meant a call to a specialist. Diagnosis. Gout.

Webster says that gout is “a disease resulting from a disturbance of uric acid metabolism, characterized by an excess of uric acid in the blood and deposits of uric acid salts in various tissues, especially in the joints of the feet and hands. It causes swelling and severe pain, notable in the big toe.”

That exactly was what the doctor said. Gout also can be brought on by eating food that is too rich, like lobster. That’s a real laugh when lobster is $3-something a pound. In this case, in his interminable fashion, DIY had disturbed his uric acid metabolism with an ordinary spade.

Doctor’s advice: Stay home, remain quiet, keep the foot elevated, and take these $24-a-bottle pills. It worked. In just three days, DIY could get his shoes on. The pain had subsided. The bills are not all in yet, but an estimation of $200 won’t be far off.

DIY now is wondering how to answer the questions on the insurance forms. Suppose the insurance people will accept the fact that patient’s uric acid metabolism was disturbed by a spade? Also, is this reported as an accident? It was no accident that DIY intended to use the spade to dig out the sod. But he surely had no intention of disturbing his acid metabolism.

On top of all this, the garage is still dirty and crammed with artifacts (junk), and the trim on the house still is not painted. The next chapter in the life of DIY should be a dilly.

Ted Sylvester is [was] chief of the Midcoast Bureau. Bangor Daily News

Help for a Student Sailor

My friend and Rockland High School classmate, Jean Monroe, received some exciting news when she learned that her granddaughter, Elizabeth Sherfey has been accepted for a semester with the  non-profit Ocean Classroom Foundation. It will be the second half of her Junior year in high school. She attends Camden Hills Regional High School.

Jean has contributed to this blog space on several occasions. She is very proud of Elizabeth, as she should be. This letter from Elizabeth shows a young person who cares about her environment; her determination to learn about sailing while furthering her education at the same time; and her inventiveness in how she is going to finance such an experience. She has earned half of her tuition money. After you read her letter, take a look at the three ways you can help her out with the rest. She deserves it.

Support a Sailor

Elizabeth is 1 of only 25 students nationwide to be accepted into this program. Here's three ways you can help her meet her financial goal:

POLAR DIP

Gather $50 in sponsorships and take a dip in the harbor at Rockland Community Sailing (located at the Apprenticeshop, Main St., Rockland) on Jan. 7th, 2012. Registration begins at 9am for the 9:30am dip. Costumes encouraged! Find us on Facebook "Support a Sailor Polar Dip"

RAFFLE

WIN a $500 VALUE GAS CARD from a nationwide chain. Tickets are $5 each or 10 for $25. Send orders to address below or call 691-3167. Drawing will be held at Rockland Community Sailing on Jan. 7th, 2012 after the Polar Dip.

DONATIONS

Send a donation made payable to Ocean Classroom Foundation c/o Elizabeth Sherfey to P.O. Box 272, West Rockport, ME 04865

Happy Sailing, Elizabeth!

Free Books at Thomaston Library

For the first two weeks of January, the Friends of the Thomaston Public Library will be hosting a large scale book give-away. Free books of all types, including recycled library books, children's books, even some movies and audio books, will fill the shelves of the hallway bookshop, which will be "closed" during the give-away. The give-away will run from January 3rd until the 14th.

"We've always had a free shelf," head librarian Brian Sylvester said. "But lately we've gotten so many donations that we can't keep up. Our storage room is overflowing." Normally the shelves in the hallway corridor of the library serve as a used bookstore, selling donated books at steeply discounted prices to benefit library programs and events. Sylvester said that a majority of the books donated are not items that the library would keep, so most of them are passed onto the Friends of the Library for their bookstore or given away on the Free shelf.

The Friends of the Library will be accepting donations in leiu of payment during the book give-away. A money-box will be placed in the corridor of the library for people to slip payment in. After the give-away the bookstore will re-open with normal prices and hours. The free books will be available to the public during all of the library's open hours. For more information or to find out how you can help the Friends of the Library bookstore, contact the library at 354-2453.

JANUARY 2012 UPDATE

  Happy New Year, everyone! May the year ahead hold new possibilities for all of us. I wish you good health and more money in your paycheck. Thanks SSA for giving me a raise this year.

I must begin this year with an apology to all of you. It seems I don’t look at my own blog space closely enough. It was only within the last month that I noticed that Ad Sense had deleted all the ads that were running along the right side. Why I’m not sure. A while back they said they were changing the format or something and to check it out. Of course I ignored their advice, therefore, I have no more ads. So, I will no longer beg you to hit one of their ads. I think we’ll get along just fine without them anyway.

As I mentioned last month, I will no longer carry “Events at Your Public Library” or “Benefits and Good Works” as you’ll be able to find them in your local media just as easily. I will, however, post any special programs or events I receive via email. Note the Thomaston Public Library story in this month’s blog.

I won’t forget all the folks up there in Maine. I promise. I do now have a wider audience nationally and internationally; and I hope to reflect that fact in future blogs. I hope to have more historical, travel-related, and literary works to share with you and the world.

Please see the second “Fish and Chips” column by brother, Ted. I’m so happy he decided to join me in this venture. I’m sure you’ll enjoy his column from 1987. Notice the prices mentioned.

Personally, I continue to enjoy my new “eyes.” There aren’t many things that can improve with age as far as your health goes; which makes it even sweeter. I will be happy when I can finally walk without a cane due to a bad left ankle. My therapist is an angel and very patient with me. I have hopes for better legs and feet soon.

My new book is coming along slowly. I find myself stopping to figure out where to go next, much the same way the first book, The South End, was written. I will certainly try, though, not to make it a 12 year ordeal again. Being retired and on my own time now helps a lot.

Let’s have fun this year. Email me your thoughts and anything you’d like to share with the rest of the class. We had contributions from several of you in the past year. I always enjoy posting your pictures and thoughts. Just email me at southendstories@aol.com.